“It’s okay to not be okay.”

“You are enough.”

“Don’t compare your insides to other people’s outsides.”

You have likely heard one (or all) of these common sayings aimed at reducing shame. Some may resonate with you more than others. You also might find that none of them resonate with you enough to help you manage your shame effectively. 

We’ve talked about addressing shame by naming it and by reminding yourself that feelings are not facts. But those are just a few of the tools available to you.

Storytelling can be a powerful antidote to shame. There are TED Talks and podcasts and memoirs by successful professionals who are willing to be vulnerable and acknowledge their own struggles and shortcomings. It can be helpful to hear those types of stories and to realize that you are not alone in your pain and uncertainty.

You may even find that sharing your own story (when the time is right) is healing, both for yourself and for others.

Another strategy might be reframing.

With reframing, you can try to put a more positive interpretation on a difficult or negative situation. You don’t want to tell yourself that up is down; positive reframing remains grounded in reality. But often we can find a positive element or an aspect of the situation for which we can be grateful. This must be authentic in order to be effective. And it must be something that you are freely choosing to do for yourself rather than something that someone is trying to foist upon you. 

Consider the possibility that what you are seeing as shameworthy, deficient, and flawed is actually a fundamental part of what makes you human and that connects you to other humans in ways that are rich and meaningful.

Is it possible that these struggles increase your empathy and understanding for the struggles that others face?

Might they make you more patient with patients?

In a similar vein, consistent use of positive affirmations can help increase feelings of self-worth. It is absolutely essential that these affirmations feel genuine to you and are consistent with the way you see yourself. Using positive affirmations that are not grounded in your reality will likely feel fake and disingenuous. 

The Good Positive lists 100 positive affirmations specifically for physicians, including such statements as:

• I am committed to improving physical and mental health in my community.
• My work as a doctor brings value to the lives of others.
• I am proud of my contribution to healthcare.
• My presence brings peace of mind to those in distress.
• I am a source of hope and healing for those facing health challenges.

Once you find the affirmations that feel best to you, it is important to remember that consistency is key. You will need to make a practice of using positive affirmations in order to see significant results. 

It is possible that you feel such deep-seated shame about your own needs and perceived shortcomings that you want to deny yourself even the opportunity to address this shame. If that’s the case for you, I encourage you to reflect upon what shame is doing for you. 

How do you benefit from the status quo?

What might you lose and what might you gain if you make changes?

I invite you to take care of yourself in the way you take care of others.